Fat Explosion

I'm in a serious crisis now. The fat is expanding not reducing. Every day a new pound arrives on my stomach. My willpower is non-existent and summer is but a few months away. I. Need. Serious. Help! Not to mention more stretchy pants.

I realize as I write this post while eating a bowl of ice cream, that I really shouldn't complain about my weight gain. After all I only have myself to blame. The problem is, I just can't seem to stop myself from stuffing things like chocolate chips, cashews, and Brie cheese into my pie hole.

I am now convinced, that I have a mutant willpower gene/mechanism/button, whatever. From day 1 willpower and I haven't gotten along. I cannot think of a time where it has stood by my side, and supported me in my hour of need. Instead it chooses to abandon it's post long before the job is done, (really what kind of job performance is that)? Therefore I have decreed it must be broken, and it is by no means my fault that I cannot say no to temptation. Right? Hmmm...

Food = glorious, yummy, delicious, delectable ... I would go on, but it's making me hungry. Diet? = yucky and is a very bad word. Why can't good tasting, high fat foods be healthy? What kind of cruel trick was it, to introduce the people of the world to such delights as pizza, ice cream, and cream sauces? If you're gonna get me hooked on something, don't tell me it's bad. For Pete's sake I already had to give up drinking and smoking. Don't take away my yummy food too!

However, as I watch my fat grow and expand upon new territory,(when did my armpits get fat)!? It's painfully clear that if I don't fight back with heavy artillery, (bazooka's, liposuction)? I will loose this battle of the bulge for good. In an attempt to combat the blubber and fix this unsightly mess that is my body, I will (shudder).... get ready for it (gasp!) .... drum roll please ...

START MY DIET TOMORROW!!

What? Don't you trust me? Honest. This time I mean it.

Right now though, there is a bowl of ice cream that needs finishing...